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2 More Strategies for Moms of Teen Girls - These are HUGE!!

My beautiful *little* girls and I after haircuts this last week.

Last week I introduced 3 strategies or tips to help in opening communication between moms and their teen daughters: Model a solid and consistent prayer life, Make eye contact, and Don't take things personally and forgive.

This week, I am wanting to talk about 2 areas that make huge impacts on our daughters hearts, minds and souls - their friends and their worth. Both of these topics can have volumes of books written about them because they are so crucial to development, mindset and what I like to call soulset, the attitude and disposition of the soul.

This is just the beginning of the discussion on these topics...

1) Encourage and Cultivate Godly, True Friendships

In your teen daughter's life, friendships are important. Godly, true friendships are more than important, they are crucial. A Godly friendship is one in which the friends share a common Christian faith and openly help one another strive for holiness, with each other's best interests at heart. Having friends with values and morals in common can help your daughter make healthy choices and avoid peer pressure and drama.

Some of our own daughters' best friends have not been Catholic, but incredible young Christian women not afraid to witness to their faith. These girls have been huge blessings to our family and have given us many opportunities for good, fruitful, compassionate discussions. It also gives us an opportunity to learn about other faith traditions and share our own faith with them. So, keep your heart and mind open when it comes to friends that may not attend your same church.

It is important to be open and honest about the qualities to look for in a Godly, true friend. Here are a few things to consider.

A TRUE friend...

1) will pray with and for you.

2) will listen well and encourage you to be your best.

3) will respect your faith and not lead you astray, even if you attend different churches.

4) will love you unconditionally and not hold your faults against you.

5) will always tell you the truth and hold you accountable (even when it is hard).

6) will challenge you to be and do better.

7) will forgive and apologize when necessary.

What would you add to this list?

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter:

he that has found one has found a treasure.

There is nothing so precious as a faithful friend,

and no scales can measure his excellence.

A faithful friend is an elixir of life;

and those who fear the Lord will find him.

~Sirach 6:14-16

2) Appearance Does Not Equal Self-Worth

This is a big one and may seem obvious to you as a mom, but your daughter may need consistent affirmation in the area of her self-image and self-worth. Be relentless with this!

Unfortunately, teens girls have a proclivity to comparison and questioning self-worth. It is so easy to look at the surface of someone else and feel unworthy or less than. (Let's be honest...even as adults, we can fall prey to this!) Our culture of immediate gratification and picture perfect social media lives is selling us one lie after another. This is why it is so important to help your daughter build her foundation of truth from the inside out. That way, when she is tempted to compare herself and feel unworthy, she can call to mind the undeniable truth that she is God's beloved daughter, precious in His eyes and born with inherent dignity and value. Remind her that you see her and that she has unique and unrepeatable gifts that are to be used for her unique call. No one else can do what she is called to do in the way she can do it. She will never escape God's great and unconditional love, and nothing can take away her dignity and value.

Tell her daily that she is beautiful and her worth is not dependent on anything or anyone. I'll repeat that in case you missed it....TELL HER DAILY THAT SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND HER WORTH IS NOT DEPENDENT ON ANYTHING OR ANYONE. You can use your words (verbal and written), your touch (a simple smile, hand squeeze or a big hug), and your example to consistently express your love for her.

Here are some example scripts to speak to your daughter or write down (post-it note) and leave on her desk, her mirror, in her math book, in her lunchbox, in her car, etc.... (highly recommend these scripts come from her dad as well!)

1) Your are loved unconditionally

2) You are beautiful and gifted

3) You are worthy of your dreams

4) I love you so much

5) Your greatest growth can come from hard times. Persevere.

6) I am here for you.

7) Your identity is rooted in being a beloved daughter of God.

This list is just the beginning! What would you add?

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name: YOU ARE MINE."

~Isaiah 43:1

If you need support, direction, and/or encouragement in any of these areas, please consider coaching with Katie. She helps moms build a foundation of faith and a rule of life so they can equip their daughters with faith, self-worth, confidence and hope.

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